adrian
Good Morning, Vietnam!!! Hey, this is not a test, this is
rock 'n roll. Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ.
Is that me or does it sound like an Elvis Presley movie?
Viva, Da Nang. Oh, viva, Da Nang. Da Nang me, Da Nang me.
Why don't they get a rope and hang me? Hey, is it too early
for being so loud? Hey, too late. It's 06:00, what's the
"o" stand for? Oh, my God, it's early.
adrian
Hey, can you tell me what's your name? "My name is Roosevelt
E. Roosevelt." Roosevelt, what town are you stationed in?
"I'm stationed in Poontang." Well, thank you, Roosevelt.
What's the weather like out there? "It's hot! Damn hot!
Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things
in it. A little crotch pot cooking." Well, tell me what
it feels like. "Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you
born on the sun? It's damn hot! It's so damn hot, I saw
little guys, their orange robes burst into flames. It's
that hot! Do you know what I'm talking about?" What do you
think it's going to be like tonight? "It's gonna be hot
and wet! That's nice if you're with a lady, but ain't no
good if you're in the jungle!" Thank you, Roosevelt.
adrian
Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, should we keep the PC
on the QT, 'cause if it leaks to the VC, he could end up
a MIA and we'd all be put on KP.
adrian
We're talking out in the field today. Hi, what's your name?
"My name's Bob Fliber!" Bob, what do you do? "I'm in the
artillery!" Thank you, Bob. Listen, can we play anything
for you? "Anything! Just play it loud! Okay?"
adrian
You know, I have to admit something to you. I just came
from Crete with women that look like Zorba. Whoo! Thank
you. "Those girls are just so pretty." Gomer, are you here
in Vietnam? "Yes, I am, surprise, surprise, surprise!" Lyndon,
why did you name your daughter 'Lynda Bird'? "Because Lynda
Dog would be too cruel. You know if you pick 'em up by their
ears it doesn't hurt 'em as much." "Oh, you're going straight
to hell for that one! Watch out, o'er there!" Here's an
incredible coincidence. Ho Chi Minh, Colonel Sanders-- actually
the same person? You be the judge. Our lines are open. Something
real special right now. We've got our traffic report out
there on the Ho Vhi Minh Trail. How's going up there? "Adrian,
it's not exactly well. There's a water buffalo jacknifed
up there. It's not a pretty picture. There's horns everywhere.
I don't know what to say. We're gonna drop a little napalm
there and try 'n cook 'im down. Have a little barbecue."
adrian
We've got a special man in the audience today right now.
It's Mr. Leo. He's a fashion consultant "Thank you, i'm
just very happy to be here. I want to tell you something."
What's that? "You know, this whole camouflage thing, for
me, doesn't work really well." Why is that? "Because if
you go in the jungle, I can't see you. You know, it's like
wearing stripes and plaid. For me, I want to do something
different. You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're
going to fight, clash. You know what I mean?
adrian
Picture a man going on a journey beyond sight and sound.
He's left Crete, he's entered the demilitarized zone. All
right. Hey, what's this "demilitarized zone"? What do they
mean "police actions"? Sounds like a couple of cops in Brooklyn
going, "you know, she looks pretty to me". Hey, whatever
it is, I like it because it gets you on your toes better
than a strong cup of cappuccino. What's a demilitarized
zone? Sounds like something out of 'The Wizard of OZ'. "Oh,
no, don't go in there". "Oh-we-oh. Ho Chi Minh. Oh, look
you've landed in Saigon. You're among the little people
now. We represent the ARVN army. The ARVN army. Oh, no,
follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
"Oh, I'll get you my pretty!" Oh, my God, it's the wicked
witch of the north. It's Hanoi Hanna! "Now, little G.I.,
you and your little 'tune-ooh' too.!"
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