Recorded at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco, CA.

[to his mom, who was in the audience] Oedipus, Shmedipus, I love you, momma.

We should go with the show real quick because people are going: "We paid good money now." The people of Marin paid more than good money, they paid beyond money. Those people are so damn wealthy they don't get the crabs, they get the lobsters. A couple of months they had a white shark off the coast of Marin. The people were going: "Thank God, at least it was white!"

While you've been here, gay men have broken in your home and redecorated it.

Right now people are going: "What the hell is he doing now?!" Hahaha... catch up!

If alcohol is the crutch, then Jack Daniels is the wheelchair.

[sound of a police siren outside] Oops, here comes my ride.

[picks up stage speaker] Look! A Polish Walkman radio.

A camera! Wait, let me give you a very special picture. Give me the camera, I'll give it back. Hold on, let's see, okay. Here's a little Japanese man having sex. Focus, focus, damn it! Let's see, I'll give you a very special picture. There you go! Yes, I'm glad you have the wide-angle lens on there. I can't wait till you get that to FotoMat. "My God, what is that? An anaconda pressed against a plate glass window, what is that?!" Maybe you can send it to the National Geographic, going: "It's the Loch Ness Monster." And some scientist going: "My God, I didn't know it had only one eye!"

[As E.T.] Elliot? Elliot? Ouch. I'm standing on my testicles.

Tiburon, from the Spanish word Tiburón, meaning "condominium." Condominium, from the Latin word meaning "to overcharge for no reason."